Accident Report Forms

[Tim]

No risk assessments in the world can cover every eventuality. The following entries into the accident book have to be read to be believed……….

1. John cuts his cheek whilst walking along the river bank to inspect the rapid at Campsie Linn. Witness Dave said “A branch caught hold of John’s hat and flicked it a good distance. That’s why we took so long. We couldn’t find it.”

2. Keelan almost electrocutes himself charging his ‘vape’ at the hostel. A flash of light and scorch marks were witnessed. Rob explains that he had used the socket prior to Keelan. ( Say no more )

3. Geoff suffered a minor beer spillage on the way up the stairs at the Ben Nevis Inn. He explains that he became light headed due to the lack of oxygen at altitude. Nobody witnessed the accident and completely ignored Geoff lying on the floor with a cut leg. However, we did notice how well he had managed to hold onto three beers and thanked him for a great effort.

4. Chucky stubs his toe whilst getting out of his boat at the end of the river Gary.
A witness who does not wish to be named overheard him ask ” Why can’t I be as good as Tim? ” He then kicked a rock in anger.

5. Geoff survives running a grade 3 rapid upside down on the river Moriston. Afterwards he was heard to say “I think I managed to survive four major drops whilst upside down today but I’m sure I’m capable of five.”

6. Richard almost dislocates his thumb whilst taking a boat off the car with John. Richard explains that he was ” pushing the boat whilst John was pulling.” An eye witness described it as similar to watching the Chuckle Brothers in the Christmas Panto.

7. Keelan suffers mild concussion whilst rescuing Rob who is stuck on a rock. The hospital advises no alcohol, no dangerous sports and the direct supervision of a responsible adult. The final request could not be achieved and the first two requests were therefore considered null and void.

8. Geoff skilfully slips and slides down the slabs towards the river Moriston in his new paddle shoes. Dave prefers the ” arse slide ” friction burn method and proclaims that the council should “fill those pot holes in halfway up the slabs allowing for a longer ride”

9. Several of the group were rushed to hospital with split sides and one paddler was decapitated with laughter (tim) whist watching “the sex lives of the potato men”

10. Rich suffers painful leg cramp whist drinking San Miguel and eating chips in Wetherspoons.

Do you now who I feel sorry for in all of this? ……..Me!

[Barry]

Sounds like a cracking trip

[Tim]

Great laughs Baz.

[Author]

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